August 2nd Sunday - Friendship Day

On the eve of Friendship day 7th Aug’16 , I was travelling and received a lot of greetings through all the social media I am associated with. Typical to the lonely train travel my thoughts contemplated on the reasons for India picking the first Sunday in August as Friendship day.

When Googled, there was no evidence for this uptake by India and different countries had different dates. Also learned that in 1930 Joyce Hall founder of hallmark cards invented this day with an intention of promoting his business.

At that moment a thought erupted to do a deep dive on this subject and should share my thoughts and learning as part of my blog. Had back to back travels during almost all weekends kept me busy and was able to assimilate after a month and hence this one.

During that time lot of questions exploded to me and also found answers to most but not to the primary one why India adopted 2nd Sunday.

Q1. Why there is a need for a friend?
Friendship and companionship are inseparable aspects of an individual’s life. Companionship is crucial as it wards off loneliness and distress. This sense of companionship holds a lot of significance in any relationship. Companionship is inherent in nature and it is needed for all living organisms. This process of companionship commences right from the early stages and the friends will be accumulated in each and every stage till our life. The names allied to it might be called as Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Friends, Spouse and Kids.

Our experience will tell us that friendship often takes precedence over blood relations. Everyone tends to heed their friends more than the relatives. The trust towards companions is more than their own kin.

Q2 What are the Qualities of Good friend?
Immediately one is reminded of proverbs, ‘A man is known by the company he keeps’ and “A friend in need is a friend indeed”.

According to one tradition, true friendship is acknowledged in moments of affliction and anguish. For indeed a true friend is always at hand in adversity. In other words one who brings to your notice your defects and flaws is indeed your true friend.

When we wish to point out certain shortcomings to a friend, we must do so with a degree of respect and sincerity. Our sole intention must be to reform the friend and there should be no hint of any malice and self-righteousness. Likewise, when a friend highlights for us, our defects, we must acknowledge the same with respect and gratitude without any ill will and hostility.

Having answered the need and qualities but not the main which got linked to India in this century. But, Is celebrating friendship something new to us? Certainly not.

We have evidence that we have defined and answered all these questions several thousand years ago through various stages of history from the epic period to the modern Thiruvalluvar period and have celebrated the relationship in a grand way.

The visionary Valluvar has defined each in separate heading like நட்பு(Friendship),

நட்பாராய்தல்(Investigation in forming Friendships), தீ நட்பு(Evil Friendship), கூடாநட்பு (Unreal Friendship)

Let us travel further in the history to the epic period of Mahabharatha, here the qualities are defined by the characters. According to me the best friendship are those between Krishna and Arjuna, Krishna and Sudama, Karna and Duryodhana where the last one can be termed as my favorite.

When everyone disowned Karna including his Mother, Duryodhana stood by him not only by considering him as an equal but also bestowed him a kingdom. All through his life, Duryodhana never insulted or made fun of Karna and always respected him and defended him against his ancestors.

This undisputed friendship between Karna and Duryodhana is often considered not so genuine because Duryodhan, the selfish and jealous befriended with Karna so that he could easily challenge Arjuna. Well, agreed the initial intention was this but then the trust, love and the feelings of faith which Duryodhan had for Karna can never be questioned and vice versa. The incident during the game of dice between wife of Duryodhan and Karna is an evidence of his immense faith on both. He never pointed a finger on Karna as he trusted him more than anybody else. He wasn’t angry and neither suspected his wife or Karna, such was his faith in his love and his friendship.

In return Karna stood beside his friend till his death that reminds me of a kural

அழிவி னவைநீக்கி ஆறுய்த்து அழிவின்கண்
அல்லல் உழப்பதாம் நட்பு. Meaning True friendship turns aside from evil ways, makes walk in the good way and in case of loss shares the sorrow with friend.

In the other two, Krishna vs Sudhama, I love that part where a friend is being accepted from his level and in case of Arjuna, if chosen correctly your friend can be your Guru or Guru can be your best friend.

If we travel further to the previous yuga that is Treta, where the definition of friendship is evidenced with several characters but to me the best three are Rama with Guha, Vibeeshana and Hanuman. In these again each of the characters stands for the association with Lord Ram.

In the current scenario where we could seldom find friendship between siblings, several thousand years ago we have proved to the world that a friend can be inducted as your brother. Rama’s acceptance of Guha,Vaali and Vibeeshana as brother acts as a testimony.
Would like to quote Kambar here, where Rama shares his feelings to Vibeeshana.
குகனொடும் ஐவர் ஆனேம் முன்பு பின் குன்று சூழ்வான்,
மகனொடும் அறுவரானேம்.எம்முழை அன்பின் வந்த
அகன் அமர் காதல் ஐய நின்னொடும் எழுவர் ஆனேம்.
With Guhan we became five in number. Later in Kiskinda with Sugriva we became six .Now with your friendship we all siblings became seven. That reminds me of another Kural

புணர்ச்சி பழகுதல் வேண்டா உணர்ச்சிதான்
நட்பாங் கிழமை தரும்

Constant association and meeting is not required for a true friendship, all that is needed is unison of feelings and understanding. நட்புச் செய்வதற்குத் தொடர்பும் பழக்கமும் வேண்டியதில்லை, ஒத்த உணர்ச்சியே நட்பு ஏற்படுத்துவதற்கு வேண்டிய உரிமையைக் கொடுக்கும்.

Whereas in the other relationship between Hanuman, Rama showed there can be a good friendship between Master and Assistant, that is missing in today’s corporate world which is full of egos. Seldom we could find a good friendship between a Manager and subordinates.

Learnt in this journey that friendship is not those counts in your social media contacts but it is much more to cherish and if you are still in touch with your childhood or school or college or previous office friends you are blessed like me.

Ending this edition with a sad note of not able to find an answer to my initial question of why India adopted friendship day from western world when so much legacy was contributed to this relationship by us.